


kitty cat

by Nien



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eren calls Armin and Mikasa siblings because I’m needy, Eren calls Levi pet names, Eren cusses more than Levi does, Eren is being an ass, Failed attempt at humor, Fluff and Crack, Grammar is an asshole, I know right, Implied bottom!Levi, M/M, There’s literally nothing happening in the fic, its a cat fic, side pairings, soft Levi, there’s a cat, yeah there’s a soft Levi tag, “Did she just do that?”
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 16:41:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14919065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nien/pseuds/Nien
Summary: “YOU. ARE. NOT. EATING. MY. CAT”The thing about his relationship with Levi is that it’s great, has good sex and he gets all the attention he wants.Well,he thinks he does.a.k.a Eren has issues because he’s clingy as fuck and his relationship with Levi is in shambles because there’s a cat.A cat.





	kitty cat

**Author's Note:**

> Ha! First fic. This is going to be bad *face gets filled with disgust and face gets broken but face is already broken*
> 
> I thought about Levi and Eren owning a cat and I wrote an abomination
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> P.s Author thinks she’s funny but she’s just lonely

He may not look like it but Eren believes in ethics and morality, that it should be the main points of living a good life, that knowledge is better than the phrase ‘I believe’. He might look like a guy who goes to every corner looking for a fight with a fucked up moral compass, but he’s not. He’s a good person. He knows that very well because his boyfriend says so. He might be angry most of the time and scream at things that is a waste of energy but he’s a good person. Levi might have said that with a noncommittal hum and a ~~soft~~ glare, but Levi doesn’t lie and he knows Levi loves him enough to be honest on things that are important.

Yes, important. But here’s the thing, underline believes. He believes on it but he doesn’t act on it which makes him _a big piece of shit_ and Levi _shitty in honesty_. In Eren’s defence, he still thinks that it should be like that because he was raised to be a good person with his head as his best friend and his fists as his enemies (he did a shit job on not getting those titles jumbled) but at times, it’s really hard to act on it when things get a little bit haywired with his love life. 

No. No ones cheating with whom (but it looks like that!) 

Eren’s just, well. He’s jealous and if you can imagine his face smoking, he’s also furious.

He’s furious as fucking hell because Levi, the light of his life, his lover, the person Mikasa accepts as someone Eren loves equally or more than her, the ass to his dick is not giving him attention.

And you’re gonna ask him, _“Really, Eren? Are you fucking serious?”_ And judging by the big scowl that paints his face, _yes he is because he’s touch starved and he misses his baby_ and no he’s not gonna cry even if his vision is a little bit misty because _baby,_ _whyyy?_  

Looking back at it, he knows it’s his fault but at this point of his life he just wants to nag. That’s all he seems to be doing now without Levi’s attention. Remembering Levi’s face, he sees the happy glint in his eyes and the contented hum in his lips. He looks happy and beautiful watching a movie in his laptop holding that _goddamn motherfucking dickheaded piece of shit._  

Yeah, he wasn’t kidding when he said he was furious.

He’s furious with that kitten. _Yeah he knows he’s pathetic for that._  

So he’s cussing about a kitten he specifically gifted Levi for their fifth anniversary but so what? He’s fucking dying to skin that rabies infected fucker (he’s harmless. Eren assured that before he gave it to his _sweetums_ ) and let Mikasa eat it for his own amusement and pettiness. Mikasa might not like a single atom in Levi’s body but his sister loves him to the point where it’s borderline creepy and alarming so she’ll do it. Eren thinks without a doubt she will so _eww._

The kitten, named Cameow or Cam for short _(yeah, I know right, Levi named that.)_ has been living with them for two months and if you know basic mathematics, Eren has been living in hell for (okay, put your hands down) two months which seems like an overstatement to say as hell but yeah it feels like he’s been burning alive for a year because in the course of two months all of Levi’s undying love and attention has been passed to his teal eyed boyfriend to the asshole with fur in his lap.

But how can he know that having a kitten in their home would bring danger to his conscience and morality. Seriously, Eren probably fucked up big time in another life to experience this type of shit. He just really wants his kitten back and no, _he’s not talking about that thing which came out from Satan’s ass crack._

Giving his kitty a kitty really wasn’t a plan originally but at that time, it was only three days until their anniversary and Eren was panicking. Like, call-Mikasa-and-even-Jean situation and Eren never calls Jean even if he’s dying. He didn’t forgot their anniversary like an asshole but a gift was really bothering him because everything he sees is just _shit._

A teddy bear? No. Levi’s not eight.

A maid costume? No. He’s got five already. 

Cleaning supplies? Eren was still haunted when he did gave him one on his birthday so no.

A clear ribbed pink dildo? No. Levi prefers Eren’s dick which fattens his ego so he likes it and he won’t do anything to change it. 

He knew what he wanted to give but he just can’t seem to find it. He wanted to give something soft, sweet, pastel or something close to that.

And you’re gonna ask him again, _“What the fuck, Eren. Levi, soft?”_ And he’s gonna tell you that _fuck you, his boyfriend is soft_ because Levi with Eren really is. He doesn’t let other people see him like that _obviously_ but after a tiring day at work, he’ll change his cold looking clothes to Eren’s big sweaters that eats his whole frame and sit on the sofa and watch tv as he wait for Eren to arrive. And if you think that’s not soft enough, just remember that he has sweater paws.

Like, legit sweater paws that makes you want to say that God is real just because of it.

And Eren and Eren’s dick just falls for that all the goddamn time so he thought that giving something that looks half as soft as Levi might do good to their amazing sex life and increase Eren’s libido.

But alas, everyone just wants him to burn.

Thinking that Levi would look softer holding a kitten wasn’t wrong but ha! on his sex life it did shit on him.

And asking for Satan’s company in the shop was also the worst thing that he has done to support his string of bad luck.

But who’s Satan you might ask.

Well, it’s not Hanji. They look like they’re always high on coke because they are high on coke but no. They’re an angel for letting Eren meet Levi so Hanji’s like, Eren’s guardian angel whose powers are from cocaine.

Jean? He’s an asshole, a dumbass, a jerk, an immature and a big piece of shit as friend so he doesn’t give him that much of a credit to say as far as he’s Satan.

Armin? He’s kinda like a cute blond evil mastermind like Mojo Jojo with a blond hair and a bit cuter (Reiner, Connie and Jean are the Powerpuff Boys) but he’s not cut for it.

Mikasa? Well, I thought it was established that she’s a god but still no.

And you’re gonna ask him, _“Well, who the fuck is it, Eren. We don’t have all the time of the day. Some people have jobs you know.”_

And he’s gonna tell you it’s freckles. Like, _freckled Jesus is Satan_ which is weird but he totally is.

But you’re not convinced because you love freckled Jesus more than half of your life so you ask him again with, _“Really, Marco, Eren? How nonexistent is your sex life at this point? You probably need couple’s counselling like those forty year old married couple with five kids that is really desperate to save their unholy marriage and their old bed with fluids that isn’t their partner’s fluids”_

But here’s the thing, anyone who was associated with Eren at those days where he picked a kitten with a big smile on their face and has never tried to tell him that kittens were created solely for the downfall of his dick is satanic and therefore is Satan.

And anyone who says that Jean is hot enough to date has got to have some secret in there so for Eren he’s not gonna be deceived by Marco’s sweet smiles anymore.

Going back to Eren’s broken ego, dick, and heart, he really doesn’t know what to do with a growing cat on his home which is apparently more deserving of Levi’s attention than his boyfriend with slight anger issues.

 

 

**|**

 

 

 

At first, the kitten wasn’t a problem because how can a kitten be a problem in the first place anyway with their soft body and cute faces and small voices, no one’s gonna think they’re evil. In the beginning, Levi wasn’t really into being parents _(yeah, right)_ of a cat but as the day goes on with having the kitten, he can’t seem to leave the cat out of his sight. And Eren, Eren being the sweet, idiotic, _I-don’t-know-what-is-happening-half-of-the-time Jaeger_ thought it was great because _Yay! More sexy times_ because Levi looks like he hasn’t committed genocide and he’s not having a lunch date with Hannibal Lecter and in Eren’s knowledge, that’s a good thing.

Cam and Levi were like glued together every time Eren looks at them. And the kitten, god, the kitten looks so lost without Levi by its side and Levi after a day in his job looks like he’ll die without the kitten too. So when Levi arrives home, he squishes Cam like a lifeline and cuddles with it more than he does with Eren _which is shit_ by the way and that cat seems to indulge in it too much. _Too much._  

Before knowing that the cat he brought was going to be his archenemy, he loved him like it was going to be their child which is saying something because Eren grew up in a shitty family. _Daddy’s fucking gone, mommy’s fucking dead and what’s next, a fucking brother?_

He tries to feed him the same thing that Levi feeds him but the kitten just looks at him like he’s trying to poison him and saunters away from him. At first he doesn’t think too much but when scratch marks are everywhere, he hisses when he tries to bathe him and he’s a menace when Eren’s just there beside him, he thinks that the cat doesn’t like him like he likes Levi but he still takes care of Cam, feeds it, cleans him and even cuddle with him _for God’s sake_ because he loves Levi and seeing him happy was enough for Eren to act on it.

So when they were finally able to find time for each other even with a busy schedule for a date, he thought they’ll actually enjoy themselves for the night and end up straight to doing activities in the bed but of course Levi declines. _Of course, he fucking does. Like, that reservation wasn’t ass expensive and long awaited._ He might be a bit glum with the news but he understands of course, if it’s with Levi he always understand.

But what did he reasoned?

“I want to spend time alone with Cam”

 _What? Actually, Levi’s a mystery. He doesn’t know why he loves this man._  

“I want to have him without you. Here.”

_He awfully sounds like he wants to break up with you. (And this is one of the reasons why he has anger issues, really.)_

Looking at Levi in the couch, baggy clothes and the cat perched atop his stomach, he looks like he’s glued to the couch and no amount of persuasion will detach him from it and his hands caressing the cat. Feigning indifference, he answers like he’s not hurt at all. Like, he’s okay, like-like, he’s a responsible man that can survive a cancelled date because his boyfriend wants alone time with their goddamn cat.

“But babe, why?” He asks, dragging his words like a child that deserves more time than a cat.

You see Eren tries. _Tries._

He looks at Levi and hears the boredom on his voice, he doesn’t even look up at Eren to answer, “because he doesn’t want you here” both hands now in the kitten’s head as it purrs and clings to Levi’s touches.

“How do you even know that?” He says, sounding okay but dead inside. He’s even dressed already.

“I just know” Levi says, giving no room for argument.

 _Wow. Hello 911 I would like to report a murder. My boyfriend is an asshole._  

He looks into the situation and thinks that it’s pointless to push further. He’s all dressed to go and Levi’s eyes are set in the tv, hands in the cat. It’s impractical for him to. Head hang low, he walks back to their closet to change his clothes.

Seeing a bit of the younger’s retreating figure, Levi tells him languidly, “You know, you can just hang out with Jean right now. We’ll play when you come back home alright? Don’t you want that, babe?”

And Eren, when Levi’s like this, seductive, menacing, all tongue and sharp glints in his eyes mirroring a close look of arousal, he just doesn’t say no. Levi knows how to play his cards, push the right buttons to show Eren who’s really playing the game. He can’t say no. He can’t say no to anything Levi says at all. Everyone knows Eren’s weak for _bed-breaking_ sex so of course he succumbs.

“Okay I’m going but it’s not because you promised me sex.” He says while he dials the horse hybrid’s number in his phone and answers Jean’s questions and tells him to go to the coffee shop right now. 

He looks up to Levi just to get told to, “Get out, Eren”

And Eren all smiles and sunshines just obediently listens to Levi. An offer is an offer and Eren knows Levi doesn’t disappoint. 

He grabs his keys and stalks away from the raven and into the door. “Okay, okay, but I’m going because you told me to. Not for sex”

“Yeah right. Seems like you don’t want to. Just get the fuck out, babe”

_“Wait-what, Levi? NO”_

 

 

Eren actually listened to Levi. He didn’t bother them for the whole day and left them to their devices. He hangs out with Jean and most of his friends: Reiner, Connie, Sasha, Ymir and Historia who decided to tag along. The talked in the coffee shop and got kicked out when they got loud, they played in the arcade while they reasoned that Sasha’s not doing anything with the claw machines. All in all, Eren had a good day, enough to forget that he had a date today and what he’s doing right now is just something to keep him busy.

They all call it a day after ten thirty and they all part ways. He goes back to his and the raven’s place after twenty-five minutes or less. The place is clean and silent but the lights are still on. Knowing that Levi is already in bed and that he knows Eren’s home, the younger decided to shower first and dress before he goes to bed.

After he’s finished he goes to their room and is greeted with the image of Levi in his side of the bed while Cam, their great cat is curled up, perfectly, in his side of the bed. _His side of the bed!_

He points at the kitten like it’s garbage and says, “Why is he in the side of my bed?”

Levi looks at the kitten too, “he wanted too”

“But you promised me _sexxx_ ”

Levi slides in to the bed and brings the blankets up to his chin while he faces the opposite side of Eren. “Tomorrow”

“Okay let’s sleep” Eren says a bit dejected as he was about to put the cat in the floor but before he can even do that Levi says that, “you’re sleeping on the couch, don’t touch him”

“What, no” Eren argues but doesn’t do anything to the cat.

“Shut up, Eren” Levi says with finality.

Eren would have been fine with it. Really. But he sees the cat open his eyes and look at him like, _whatcha gonna do bout it, bruh_ and proceed to not move at all.

 

And Eren really can’t see how after a day with Jean, suffering a mild case of infectious disease called idiocy because _happiness is just ha!penis,_ he’s in their couch after a talk that didn’t last fifteen minutes at all, alone, a limp dick and a broken heart.

 

 

 

**||**

 

 

 

After four weeks, Eren has decided that Cam is actually on a mission to snatch away his Levi and that the kitten does. not. fucking. like. him. at. all. He scratches Eren no matter what he does, his clothes are destroyed, he’s aggressive and he acts like he’s not potty trained. He’s a pain in the ass but he’s an angel when Levi’s home. He doesn’t scratch, he’s a goddamn angel and the place doesn’t smell like it just rained poop.

He decides that the kitten needs to fucking go when they were with their friends at Erwin’s big ass penthouse and everyone was in their pajamas and of course Eren has to hold the goddamn devil spawn. (“Because you own him, Eren”) There’s alcohol everywhere and thank god Mikasa and Annie are still in their own pants, Marco’s still smiling like a lunatic (even though Jean and everyone says he doesn’t look like he’s high) and Reiner and Bert are still fully clothed and it’s a sleepover. A sleepover because they’re grown ass human beings that don’t need their mama. _Well, their mamas are dead so there’s that._

With alcohol everywhere and a place full of children that are misguided when they were little, they play never have I ever. _Like, duh. What were they gonna play other than that._

“Okay, never have I ever had an orgy”

Hanji, Ymir, Reiner, Mike, Petra and surprisingly, Armin drinks their cups.

“Wait, what seriously, Armin?”

“Wow. Baby boy’s got game”

“Bro, whut? You look like you’re ten years old”

 

“Never have I ever thought of eating poop”

“Are you fucking stuttering, Hanji. Oh my god”

“What I was curious. For science.”

“Are these really your friends, Levi?”

“I don’t know them”

 

Jean asks, words slurred “Never have I ever uhmm... have my mom make me dinner”

 “Jean are you crying?”

“Bro, our moms are dead”

 

“Never have I ever been a stripper”

“Bert...just don’t do it, man”

“LOOK GUYS, ERWIN’S DRINKING!”

“Hanji...”

 

And that’s how the night goes and Eren isn’t even thinking about the kitten beside him anymore. Cam seems to be obedient as well. His scratches doesn’t hurt that much but he’s being a bit of a good child right now so he’s not really bothering him. He’s with his friends and his boyfriend looks happy (but of course there’s still a scowl on his face) and there’s probably nothing that could dampen his mood now that he’s a little bit drunk. He’s a happy drunk so he’s sure of that.

_Ha! Wrong!_

You see, when you’re in a room full of grown ass adults with the maturity that’s close to nonexistent (except for Erwin and Levi of course, who’s probably a hundred years old by heart), things sometimes stir past what is appropriate.

 

“Look, Mikasa, just punch her or put your fucking tongue in her mouth”

“Dude, she’s looking at you” 

“Fuck”

 

“Okay, lets play never have I ever again. Uhh. Never have I ever had a sugar daddy”

“What the hell, Sasha”

“ARMIN WHY ARE YOU DRINKING?”

“Man, What is happening with our baby boy” 

“But even Petra’s drinking her cup”

“She’s old. You’re twelve”

“Ten, man”

“Yeah, ten”

“No dick before puberty”

“I’m TWENTY FIVE!” 

 

“Never have I ever killed someone”

“Seriously, we do drugs but- OH MY GOD MARCO’S DRINKING HIS FUCKING CUP!”

 

But even when a place is filled with drunkards, when the power cuts off and it’s dark as hell, priorities rise off the surface. And if they were a bit responsible, Reiner wouldn’t have shrieked, Annie shouldn’t have jumped on Mikasa without a top and Hanji shouldn’t have started laughing and Levi shouldn’t have started saying _baby._  

_Well that’s different._

Levi has never been open of their relationship. Of course everyone knows they’re fucking and Levi only becomes handsy when he wants to fuck with Mikasa but groping dick and grinding is very different from calling Eren _baby._

He even forgets the scratching the cat in his arms are making. 

Happiness and a bit of pride swells in Eren’s chest with Levi’s words. Eren thinks that it’s a new achievement for their relationship. He’s contented with everything he has with Levi but things like this aren’t unwelcome. _Not at all really, not at all._

Ecstasy and jubilee flows through him enough to not question why a room filled of seventeen people don’t have flashlights when everyone brought their phones (“Hey open your flashlight, glasses”, “fleshlight?”) But of course his elation was short-lived when a pair of slender arms drift to him. He knows those arms, those hands that wraps his waist when they sleep and he’s a little disappointed how fleeting it is. 

“Oi. Eren” Levi voices, tone a bit too strong than he originally sounded. _Where’s the soft tone of baby there?_

“Yeah babe?”

“My cat”

 _Oh. His cat. Not their cat, his cat. Baby, not Eren but his cat. That fucking cat._  

“Here he is” he extends his arm to nowhere and feel Levi’s hands drift to him to catch his cat that he loves so much to check on him first than his lover.

After giving that wretched piece of shit, Levi’s mood seems to be brighter (in his capabilities) and walk to his place again, between Hanji and Erwin probably. Eren can’t see shit and his heart is a little broken right now so his head is dead on the moment.

“Be careful, Eren” Levi says, voice smaller than a moment ago.

“Okay” Eren squeaks and if his voice sounds in love and in pain at the same time, that’s only for him to know.

“Bro are you crying?”

_“NO”_

 

 

**|||**

 

 

 

How Eren ended up babysitting his cat _(actually, Levi’s, cat)_ when Levi’s out with Hanji and Erwin is a mystery that even if Albert Einstein is alive right now he wouldn’t be able to answer (because he’s killing him first before he can). Eren has totally accepted in himself that this cat named Cameow by his baby is an abomination that should be out of his house in an instant and that Marco is really a demon or Satan or the devil that just took pity for Jean’s cock that was neglected since he was legal enough to get dick. 

So he’s alone at his and Levi’s place with Cam on the left side of the couch and him and his laptop on the right side of the couch. Eren’s couch isn’t big, a loveseat where Eren and Levi fit perfectly when they cuddle and do shits too private to tell the internet so the space between him and the cat isn’t big but it feels big, as if there’s tension between them (if that cat is even possible of knowing and causing a tension). Eren’s thoughts are swirling in his head like,

_If I drop this cat in the window he’d surely be dead._

_What if I just leave him outside and tell Levi I lost him. He’ll believe me. Maybe._

_What if I gut this piece of shit?_

But Eren knows that Levi won’t forgive him if that happens. He loves the kitten too much at this point to let go of it too easily. And because he knows his kitten loves the kitten too much for his own good, he has decided to talk to it. 

 _Talk to it_ because Eren is feeling a bit generous and not-murderous and there might still be hope that the animal is not up for stealing his boyfriend. Thats how much he loves his boyfriend, enough for him to talk to a cat and not look like a lunatic and a murderer. _Seriously, Eren is being a model boyfriend here._

Sooo, how do you start a conversation to a potential threat to your security, sex, love and life?

_“Uhm. Hey, shit”_

_A+ conversation starter._

Eren’s at the point where he’s bored, out of ass, pathetic and desperate enough to talk and have a discussion with a kitten who’s licking his small paws beside him. _How far he’s gone to the gutter? He doesn’t know, he’s just in love._

And that’s why he’s gonna continue doing this.

Feeling determined to his mission, he leaves his laptop on the center table and sways his whole body facing the kitten that hasn’t left his position and is now licking his legs? thighs? butt? asshole? Eren doesn’t want to know.

Inhaling long and expanding his chest to ready himself _(for something nonexistent because he’s gonna talk to a cat)_ he clears his throat which caught the cats attention for a whole three seconds and goes back to his business.

“This shit. Hey, let’s talk you, fucker”

_How he does this for Levi and reasoning it as an act of love is one of the reasons why it took Levi five months to go on a date with him before._

_Well, they’re in a relationship now so he’s probably doing the right thing._

“Hey, ey, lets talk about Levi. The one who’s spending time with you rather than with me”

_Why is he so fucking great with this?_

“You, you have to leave my boyfriend alone. I fucking need him too. Hey, hey, sit down-” he says with a bit of finesse while he drags the kitten _(softly)_ to the same place where he was at a minute ago. “Don’t you turn your back on me, mister”

He’s becoming a bit like Levi too, leaving when they’re still talking which is disrespectful by the way. He lets it pass with Levi because he is a beacon for Eren’s happiness and for this cat, it seems like he’s Levi’s beacon. (But he’s not giving up on being a brighter one)

Exasperation clear in his voice, he says pointing a finger to the unsuspecting cat _(or is he)_ , “You’re stealing Levi away from me and I’m miserable here. Hey- listen to me. The fuck with this cat. Hey, you can’t have him all by yourself, I miss him. He’s my boyfriend, not yours, asshole. God, why can’t you stay put- what I want you to do is-shit, no claws, Cam. What I want you to do is don’t take him away from me, okay? I’m being really generous with not skinning you alive right now.”

_Meow_

_Well, now’s a conversation._

Smiling a bit because this might not totally be futile, he leans his body to the side of the loveseat and visibly softens his stance _(like, talking to a cat is a battlefield, Eren)._ After showing his dominance, he continues his much awaited TED talk. “You’re being a really big brat. We’re two alive _thing_ fighting for someone’s attention and I hate losing everytime. Are you listening?”

_Meow_

“Good.”

Now that his pride is fully restored, he thinks things will be alright. “if I have a choice on this matter, you would’ve been either dead, starving, lost or in my kitchen which makes you fortunate that I love your owner enough to not break his heart and support my dick” picking the kitten and placing it in his lap he continues, mouth filled with success “so you respect me, okay? Listen to me, you furball, because we don’t like each other, we’ll just have to- can you just sit down for a second? Stop doing that to my jeans. When I’m doing my thing with Levi, you don’t come into the picture, okay? I really miss him and you’re being a really big fucker with your cockblock and it’s not getting funny anymore. Ah shit-stop that. Stop moving. I miss him and I’m gonna cry if I can’t hug him more than twenty-five minutes a day and you might tell me to grow a pair of ovaries but he’ll probably choose you between us and I don’t think I can handle my kitten slapping me that.”

 _Meow._ The cat purrs, finally steadying himself on Eren as he plants his bottom to Eren’s stomach.

“Wow. This is great”

“Also, be considerate. It took me five months to date that ass, another 3 months to eat it and another seven months for him to say I love you too so be a good asshole and and be good to your parents. Aw! Cam, no biting! Anyway remember that-” but before he can even finish his speech, Cam stands up and swishes his tail in Eren’s face. _If that’s even clean to come up close to his mouth_ but Cameow is Levi’s cat and if that cat’s not clean then Eren is dirtier than the dirt the cat steps on. Observing the cat that’s now on his feet, he feels like he’s being mocked and ridiculed that the thought of sharing Levi to Eren is preposterous. _How needy is this fucking cat? I mean, I’m not even that needy._

“Hey” _Chill man, you got this._

_Meow_

“Hey, fucker” _For your undying love to that cute midget._

_Meow_

“You piece of shit” _You are not crying._

_Meow_

“Hey you motherfucking dickheaded prick, you look at me” _Man, you don’t got this._

Staring at the cat with calculating eyes that either spells _I’m gonna argue more or you’re going straight to my kitchen and down Mikasa’s stomach_ , he thinks that they’ll never be able to patch things up with the critter if both of them is not backing down to what they have. Looking at the cat’s smug-like face which awfully looks like he’s telling Eren _“I got your man, dipshit”_ , Eren wants to cry and chop the kitten’s head and just paint his walls with its blood. _A bit brutal, ey_.

_Meow_

_Actually no, Eren was being kind. He’s going to eat that shit whole._  

Before the kitten could go somewhere far and out of Eren’s reach, he grips the cat (softly because Eren is scared of Levi) in the neck while supporting the cat’s weight in his left hand to not cause too much pressure in the cat’s neck. While doing that, he talks to the kitten with the small bit of patience and kindness that’s left in his body (because Eren is petty and desperate and he’s pretty sure he’s close to crying) “Look man, this thing’s not gonna work between us if you don’t compromise, because if you don’t, I’m seriously gonna gut you or just let Mika do the work. I’m skinning you alive so you’ll look like a fucking—”

“Eren?”

Too engrossed to giving the big fat rat a lesson, he doesn’t hear the door open to see Levi in his coat with a bag in his right hand. And because Eren is afraid, in love and weak, the moment he hears his name out of his lover’s mouth, he envelopes the kitten in his awkward arms and shouts,

“I LOVE HIM, LEVI! DONT LEAVE ME”

 

“Okay, I brought Chinese takeouts”...and this is one of the reasons why Eren can’t lose Levi to a fucking cat.

 

 

 

**||||**

 

 

“Eren stop crying”

Body draped in the bed he’s lying, he adjusts his grip in Mikasa’s waist who’s sitting supporting his weight while Mikasa’s stomach is filled with snot. He answers, words slurred like someone just died. “A-am not”

They’re in Armin and Mikasa’s place, specifically in Mikasa’s bedroom. He’s in her bed, holding him like a child as she runs her hand in his head. The blond’s sitting in a chair facing the both of them while he holds Cam lovingly like that cat didn’t taunt Eren earlier.

_Like that cat didn’t try killing him earlier._

“Eren?” Looking up at Mikasa, he talks, words gurgled because of Mikasa’s stomach. “Y-you you t-told me you lo-love mee”

A wave of sympathy is evident in her voice as she answers him, voice filled with love and _vexation because Mikasa loves his brothers but Eren is being a piece of shit right now._ “Of course I do”

“YOU. ARE. NOT. EATING. MY. CAT”

Mikasa’s really close to slapping Eren.

Answering for his sister, Armin answers still seated in the chair as he lets go of the cat to roam elsewhere. “Eren. Mikasa doesn’t eat something uh. uhmm dirty”

He cranes his head away Mikasa’s stomach and adjusts his body to look at Armin “I-I—I GOT THAT SHIT INJECTED AND LEVI OWNS THAT THING” he tells them, voice a bit weak because of hiccups but strong enough to pass of as a scream. After screaming at Armin who just tried to help, he goes back to burying his face in Mikasa’s stomach and shouts a string of words and things undecipherable. “ughhhhhhhhh, Mika”

How Eren ended up with the cat in his siblings’ apartment is solely for their help in the problems that are circulating the teal-eyed mess. They’ve been here since Mikasa and Armin woke up and he’s crying for possibly an hour or so

Just because he’s not getting help.

“You’re not my siblings anymore”

“You’re our brother, dipshit”

“You’re not helping me!”

“We are not eating your cat!”

Eren seriously thought that they’d be kind and helpful enough to help him in his distress but thebetrayal thats being slapped to him right now is unacceptable. He refuses it.

The cat’s now living with Eren and Levi for too long who’s also having all of Levi’s attention where Eren just gets scraps of it. The critter gets cuddles more than he gets. Levi’s hands wraps in the kitten’s body rather than Eren’s waist as he tucks his head under Eren’s chin and Eren misses it all. He misses all his alone time with Levi because everytime the meat saunters in front them all of Levi’s attention goes to him.

Cuddling? _Nah, come here Cam._

Kissing? _Can you hold Cam for a second Eren._  

Sucking dick _? Wait, he needs to get cleaned up now._

I mean, who schedules their sex at this point of their lives for a cat? Levi’s not even thirty yet.

Detaching himself to Mikasa, he sits beside her and looks at her stomach. “Wow, that’s a shitty top, Mika”.

“Yeah...” Mikasa says, looking at her top with nonchalance. It’s filled with saliva and snot.

Clearing his throat for both of them to look up. Armin tries to lighten the scene. “Why don’t you try to get along with Cam?”

Eren gives Armin a pointed look like he doesn’t understand the problem that could potentially destroy his life “I don’t want to”

“Eh?” 

“Look, the cat doesn’t like me, I don’t like him. He wants Levi all by himself and I’m not getting enough attention—” 

“—why are you such a child?” Mikasa says bored. Incredulous to his brothers capability of being bratty. 

Eren continues, “Fuck off. Levi just rushes to him when he sees that fucker like I’m not there! Cuddling goes to more than an hour but—“

“You cuddle more than an hour? Wow.” Armin inserts, surprised.

“ —we don’t even—Why are you like this? My kitten is soft” Eren says, voice filled with pride as he defends his kitten’s image.

“Please refrain yourself from calling Levi your kitten in my own home” Mikasa says, face contorted in disgust.

“Sheesh. Look, that fucker, yeah, stop purring there—is taking my baby out of my hands and my dick is sad of being limp all the time so you have to help me.” Eren says sounding stern with his words. He continues, “please.’’ Voice strained.

“What do we even do?” Arimin says, trying to help Eren in a problem that is apparently too big for him. 

“I don’t know. Just help me.”

“Don’t Marco and Jean have a cat?” Mikasa says. 

“You talk to Jean? Wait they have a cat? Call him!” Eren says, surprised, disgusted and hopeful.

“I just texted him to come” Mikasa says, standing up to pick Cam that has strayed in the apartment.

“Yah. Mika don’t talk to him again” Eren shouts when Mikasa comes back holding the cat preciously like it’s about to break. “Don’t come near me” Eren continues.

Sitting in a stool closer to Armin and farther to Eren, she talks like the information wont be a big revelation. “I had sex with him before, you know” 

“WHAT?!” Armin and Eren both shouted, incredulous of the words that came out of Mikasa’s mouth. They look at her still petting the cat in her lap like it’s nothing. Eren’s face is contorted in disgust and the mental images in his head wasn’t helping and Armin, Armin’s just curious and aggravated.

“That was the point we realised I didn’t want dick and he didn’t like vaginas”

 

 

 

Jean came after 30 minutes clothes crumpled and untidy like a typhoon just came past him.

(“Did you seriously just fuck Marco before you came here?”

“Well at least I’m getting ass”)

They spend the next hours bickering and trying to get Eren and the kitten to get over their petty problem. They go to different sites and videos in YouTube where the kitten looks cute and angelic not a thing that takes its claws out just because you hold them.

Standing in the side. Armin reads the article about how to bond with a new cat. “Look, I’m gonna read this and you three just do as I say and if Eren attempts to bring Cam to the kitchen, just whack him in the head, Mika.” 

“Hmm”

And that’s how they started being therapists to Eren and his cat’s strained relationship.

**How to Get Your Cat to Know And Love You**

_“That should probably say ‘How Not Kill The Cat Looks Like He Wants To Bone Your Boyfriend’”_

_“Bro, you’re another type of pathetic”_

 

 **Cats are not that keen on bonding. They first come of as distant but if you prove to be worthy of their—**  

_Looking up at Armin he says “Dude, that’s shit. What site is that?”_

_“Hmm. WikiHow. Why?”_

_“I’ll just end up with scratches on this”_

 

**1\.    Let your cat socialise to people and to you importantly.**

“His play is different with my play. I don’t play with claws and sink them on someone’s skin” 

 

**2\. Make your cat comfortable with the environment that he lives in.**

“You probably pester this cat constantly.”

“Mika, his definition of comfort is me gone of my own home.”

“Aww, this cat is great!”

“Jean, I’m skinning you with him.”

 

**3.Use a pheromone diffuser.**

“I’m allergic to perfumes” 

“No you’re not”

“I’m allergic to asshole”

 

**4.Engage contact when he’s relaxed.**

“We’re never relaxed with each other”

“Are you even trying?”

“No, Armin”

**5.Make sure you’re the one feeding him.**

“Well, I’m feeding him to Mikasa”

“No.” 

“To Jean. He’s a horse”

“Dude, horses don’t eat dogs. I eat angel’s ass”

“No. You’re eating Satan’s”

 

**6.Play with your cat**

“Okay, come here kitty”

“Look, I told you he’s not that— OH MY GOD TAKE IT OFF HIM”

 

And they continue this until the sun is completely done with their shit and it’s the moon’s time to listen. All of them are exhausted bickering and the cat is in Armin’s lap sleeping soundly. Looking at a distance, Eren can say that if the cat wasn’t his and doesn’t live in his house, he’ll probably find the picture after him cute but sadly, he owns the cat and lives with him and Eren knows how it gets to _cute cat living with owner_ to _cute cat seen beside dead owner’s corpse, dead for fourteen days._ And Eren doesn’t want to leave Levi in an early age.

Staring at the cat, his phone vibrates with a single message

**From: Kitten**

**8:24 p.m**

**Don’t come home later than 12.**

**Take care.**

 

Looking at Mikasa, he says, “You’re really not eating him?” 

She answers, uninterested, “no”

He leaves her be and is about to question Armin but was cut to it when he says, “I’m not gonna search ‘cat meat recipe’ while I hold him”

 

 

 

**|  |  |  |  |**

 

 

 

It’s bedtime and frankly, Eren is a bit cranky and sad because it’s probably years since he had Levi’s face tucked below his chin as they sleep and wake up with his face peaceful. Those were one of things that he misses the most, not half finished blowjobs and failed attempts to role playing. Of course he misses them but it really misses the point if that was the only reasons. Levi has a pretty great ass but he’s better smiling with Eren because that’s what he wants the most.

He was brushing his teeth when he decided to tell Levi his problems with the raven’s beloved cat. He tiptoes to their bedroom and sees Levi lying in the bed with his head leaning a little to the headboard to elevate himself while he runs his hands on the cat that’s obediently lying in his stomach. The picture would’ve make Eren cry because _Levi looks so soft and happy_ but he hates the cat and he’s sad so no, he’s not happy.

He sits down in the edge of the bed and continues to stare at them because how do you even start something like this? He fidgets with his hands and thinks about how he’ll play his words to Levi. He doesn't want to cry before he even starts talking. He doesn’t want to look like a kicked puppy left in the rain. 

But before the first tears leave his eyes Levi cut him through it. “Do you have something to say with me?” 

“I miss you” Eren says, voice low and slow while he pulls those puppy eyes thing he wishes would do the trick on Levi but doesn’t.

He leaves the edge of the bed and sits on his side of the bed while facing Levi. The raven stirs his body to face Eren a little bit while not disturbing Cam who’s still atop him. “But I’m here”

“Yeah and I still miss you” Eren argues, looking straight at Levi. 

“Why?”

_Why? Seriously? Really? Why is my baby so fucking hard. No, not talking to my dick._

He looks at Levi and finds something to find in his face but his face only houses nonchalance and it’s hard to guess the thoughts spiralling Levi’s head so he just trusts his own to not fuck up. Readying himself, he inhales deeply and starts. “You’re always with Cam now. You cancelled our date the first week we had him and he’s always attached to you now. I tried liking him but he doesn’t like me, Levi! And I hate him too, he’s a piece of shit and he scratches me everywhere and he bites me all the time and swishes his tail when I’m talking to him! I tried telling him to stop stealing you from me but he just looks at me and he looks so smug and I just want to fucking skin the asshole. I told Mikasa to eat him—”

“You told your sister to eat my cat?”

“YES I WAS DESPERATE”

“—but she doesn’t want too. He’s stealing your time for me! Our sexy times our scheduled! Scheduled! Who the fuck schedules their sexy times? I just fucked you every surface when we wanted and—”

“So you just miss sex?” Levi says a small satisfied grin in his face. If Eren wasn’t so deep into his words, he would have caught the glint in Levi’s face and the missing cat on his stomach. His voice sounds challenging and playful at the same time.

But Eren who’s pouring his misfortune over his jealousy of their cat looks so scandalised with Levi’s words. “WHAT, NO! Well, of course I do. I mean bed-breaking sex is hard not to miss Levi but I just miss you. I really miss you and I’m touch starved. You don’t have your head under my chin when we sleep now because you’re busy holding that piece of meat now and I’m mad. Super mad with that. You even had your priorities straight when you took him from me when we were all drunk and Jean even thought I was crying. I don’t even know if I was crying that time. I was drunk. I was supposed to be a happy drunk and I miss you. Why am I not kissing you right now anyway, kitten?” Eren finishes his words with misty eyes and as he looks at Levi he really doesn’t like how fucking satisfied his baby looks.

Levi crosses his arms, and looks straight to Eren. He’s not even lying in bed at this point, “So you’re jealous?”

“Ugh. Of course I am. What was those things I said for? For happiness? Babe.” Eren says sounding like a baby because he is.

Eren right now is a mess. His eyes are misty, his back is hunched, his hair is a mess and he looks like he just wants to snatch Levi and never let go of him. And Levi inwardly is happy. He’s happy and he feels loved and his boyfriend is jealous of their cat. It’s great.

Not wanting to prolong Eren’s misery as he looks like he’ll do anything to get out of the messy situation, he beckons him to lie in their bed. Eren looks confused but he doesn’t reject Levi’s attention. When he looks relaxed, Levi snakes his arms around Eren and places his head in the crook of Eren’s neck. 

“What is this, kitten?”

Feeling the vibration of Eren’s words in his chest, he loosens his grip a little and looks at Eren. He looks hopeful and confused and happy at the same time. Twirling a strand of Eren’s hair in his fingers, he look straight in his eyes and says “This is an apology for making you jealous of our cat. -a kiss on the forehead- and for making you miss me. -a kiss on the cheek- and when you have problems, you tell me you dipshit. -a kiss on the lips- come on, let’s sleep” he ends as he tucks his face in the same place it was buried moments ago. He knows Eren looks happy right now. It’s enough for him to know.

Voice sounding cheery and hopeful, Eren talks, “You’re not gonna hold him?”

“No. Just hold me. I’m sleepy”

“You should tell me you love me you know, to make up to me...”

Levi grips Eren tighter and says, voice small, “I love you. Let’s sleep”

“Oh. O-okay”

 

And that’s how they slept that night, without a cat in their bed, Levi’s arms never leaving Eren’s neck and Eren’s hands in Levi’s waist. They slept with their legs tangled underneath the sheets and Eren feels so happy holding Levi as the moment happened. _T_ _ake that you piece of shit._

 

 

**|||||+1**

 

 

 

It’s a lazy day and they’re not moving at all. Levi’s sitting in Eren’s lap, leaning his body fully on Eren’s. They’re watching an action movie that Eren didn’t bother to read the title and there’s a blanket draped in their body, enveloping them in a warm heat. It’s unnecessary for them to sit like this knowing that their couch is more than capable but it’s a silent agreement for them to be like that. They both know they like it, there’s no need for it to be said out loud and Eren is contented. He’s happy and he’s—

_Meow_

“Ughhh. Why is he here?”

“Because he wants to be here” Levi answers like it shouldn’t have been questioned in the first place.

“I don’t want him here, babe” Eren reasons, putting his head on Levi’s neck as he says it.

Cam climbs in Levi’s stomach and settles there. He keeps purring and purring while Levi pets his head. “Do you know why I really like this guy?”

“No. I don’t want to” 

“He looks just like you” 

“We do not!” Eren says, shock clear in his voice while he jostles Levi who’s atop him unintentionally.

“You have the same eyes and you two act the same. You don’t leave me alone. You’re both too clingy than what is acceptable.” Levi says, fondness in his words but still facing the movie.

Looking at the cat who’s getting bigger and bigger, they kinda look the same like a cat version of Eren _(maybe that’s how he wound up picking the cat)_ they almost have the same eye colour only Eren’s eyes were brighter and his hair is like a darker colour of Eren’s skin and yeah, he’s playful, clingy and many things Eren is. 

So they might kinda be alike just like Levi says. 

“I’m not clingy” Eren says to stir themselves out of the conversation of Eren and Cam’s similarities because honestly, Eren’s perplexed that they act the same.

“You’re holding me.” Levi answers to him.

Kissing the back of Levi’s head and holding the raven in his waist tighter. he tells him his thoughts, a bit too sweet for Eren’s liking “we look so domestic” he says chuckling.

“Yeah.”

**Author's Note:**

> DId I JusT WroTe LeVI LikE ThaT?
> 
> Oh My GoDd! a SIn!!1
> 
> No. Okay, I’m sorry for doing that ❤️ Their characterisations might be different but...  
> plays Bruno Mars ‘That’s What I Like’.
> 
> (If I could put how smug my face looks for writing soft Levi I would)


End file.
